Monday, July 03, 2006

Ruben: Operation Port-A-Cath

Rubens Operation ran very smoothly on Tuesday afternoon.

He had a Port-a-Cath fitted, which is now a raised bump (about 150mm radius) underneath his skin about 200-300mm below his right nipple. He also had a bone-marrow biopsy taken, the results of which we should have in a few weeks.

The Tube which lies underneath Rubens skins goes from the Port, up to near his neck, where it is inserted into a main artery and then goes down right to the heart.

This will make it very easy for the doctors to take bloods and administer IV Antibiotics when Ruben is sick. It is left underneath the skin and goes directly to the heart to greatly reduce the risk of infection.

This all feels so very strange... My brain doesn't quite know how to comprehend everything.

OK, This is where things went strange.... While typing the above blog entry, I realised how Dull and boring it actually was... I wanted to write about how I felt about the whole thing, but my brain was having none of it.

So, I finally decided to go and face some demons and get this figured out in my head.

An hour later I'm riving about on the bed having flashbacks from the cancer treatment i had over 20 Years ago, when I was Rubens age. I saw memories i never knew I had. Things that had be blocked away. Things I should have never had to remember, but due to the similarities of Ruben's port to my treatment I have been forced to remember.

The flashback was the single most excruciatingly painful thing I have ever done, both physically and emotionally. The power of the mind is amazing... I was living through my treatment for a second time. I was physically held down, I could hear the noises of the Radiotherapy machines, I could feel my hair falling out!!!

After it all, I just sat there on the floor, almost catatonic for nearly another Hour... I honestly could not believe what had just happenend. Where these real memories or just things i thought i should be remembering. After a quick chat with my (now totally freaked out) mum, she assured me that these were real memories.

I'm obviously not coping with things as well as I had thought. I've talked to the Ward nurses and I'm going to get some counselling... see if there is anything else my sub-conscious needs to tell me.
Back to Ru News, He's still in the hospital today, and back on the strong Anti-biotics. His last Neutraphil count was 0.19.